I'm eating all of the evidence.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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