...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
