meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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