yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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