quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Randomize
