What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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