I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
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