First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
