i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Randomize
