Define "chronic" masturbator.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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