he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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