I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize