theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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