too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
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