"it" just moved
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
