"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
