Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Randomize