God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
COCAINE IS GR8
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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