just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
