What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Randomize
