I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
