Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
