can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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