ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
