i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
