In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
