I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
She bit a glass in half.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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