Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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