i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Everyone says I win the strip club
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
