have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
