I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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