It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
