hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
