I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
