Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize