4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
he shaved USA in his pubs
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
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