I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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