I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
