the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
