Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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