I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
