The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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