i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
