I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Randomize
