The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize