she peed on how many people?
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
