I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Are these your boobs on my camera?
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
