So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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