A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
