Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Randomize
