Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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