im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
