I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Randomize
