I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Randomize
