after a month anything with tits is on the radar
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Randomize
