Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
