well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Randomize
