I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
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