Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Randomize
