I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
