Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
