Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
