are you still at the devil's house?
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Less talking, more tequila
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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