he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
