I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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